Customs BAD VIDEO

http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=BitlXcKAyBw

Customs

Officer Have you read this, sir? (holds up notice)

Man No! Oh, yes, yes - yes.

Officer Anything to declare?

Man Yes ... no! No! No! No! Nothing to declare, no, nothing in my suitcase no...

Officer No watches, cameras, radio sets?

Man Oh yes ... four watches ... no, no, no. No. One... one watch...No, no. Not even one watch. No, no watches at all. No, no watches at all. No precision watches, no.

Officer Which country have you been visiting, sir?

Man Switzerland ... er ... no ... no ... not Switzerland ... er ... not Switzerland, it began with S but it wasn't Switzerland... oh what could it be? Terribly bad memory for names. What's the name of that country where they don't make watches at all?

Officer Spain?

Man Spain! That's it. Spain, yes, mm.

Officer The label says 'Zurich', sir.

Man Yes well ... it was Spain then.

Officer Zurich's in Switzerland, sir.

Man Switzerland, yes mm ... mm ... yes.

Officer Switzerland - where they make the watches.

Man Oh, nice shed you've got here.

Officer Have you, er, got any Swiss currency, sir?

Man No... just the watches... er just my watch, er, my watch on the currency... I've kept a watch on the currency, and I've watched it and I haven't got any.

Officer That came out a bit glib didn't it? (an alarm clock goes off inside his case; the Man thumps it, unsuccessfully) Have you got an alarm clock in there, sir?

Man No, no, heavens no, no... just vests. (he hits the case and the alarm stops)

Officer Sounded a bit like an alarm going off.

Man Well it can't have been... it must be a vest, er, going off.

Officer Going off?

Clocks start ticking in the case. The man hits the case.

Man All right, I confess, I'm a smuggler ... This whole case is crammed full of Swiss watches and clocks. I've been purposely trying to deceive Her Majesty's Customs and Excise. I've been a bloody fool.

Officer I don't believe you, sir.

Man It's true. I'm, er, guilty of smuggling.

Officer Don't give me that, sir ... you couldn't smuggle a piece of greaseproof paper let alone a case full of watches.

Man What do you mean! I've smuggled watches before, you know! I've smuggled bombs, cameras, microfilms, aircraft components, you name it - I've smuggled it.

Officer Now come along please, you're wasting our time... move along please.

Man Look! (he opens his case) Look - look at this.

Officer Look, for all I know, sir, you could've bought these in London before you ever went to Switzerland.

Man What? I wouldn't buy two thousand clocks.

Officer People do, now close your case move along please come on. Don't waste our time, we're out to catch the real smugglers. Come on.

Man (shouting) I am a real smuggler. I'm a smuggler! Don't you understand, I'm a
smuggler, a lawbreaker... a smuggler. (he is removed struggling)

A vicar is next.

Vicar Poor fellow. I think he needs help.

Officer Right, cut the wisecracks, vicar. Get to the search room, and strip.